


my indelible friend

by brownink



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura (Voltron) Lives, Break Up, Canon Divergence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Sad with a Happy Ending, they just love each other very much even if it's not working
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brownink/pseuds/brownink
Summary: Lance and Allura’s relationship as lovers has come to a standstill and Lance is the one to initiate its end.
Relationships: Allura/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	my indelible friend

**Author's Note:**

> i never thought that the first fic i would ever post would be allurance vld in the hell year that is 2020. this was born out of a lance character study that i pushed aside.. anyway, this is sappy and i haven't had anyone proof-read this so please bear with me for the ride

“I think we should break-up.”

He says this plainly, pushing the words out of his lips. It comes out easier than he thought it would, though the moment the words escape him, he’s hit with its finality. Allura’s turning around and suddenly he’s lost all that he’s only just mustered moments before he returned into the room.

“You’ve thought that for a while, haven’t you?”

He stares at her, caught in the way her gaze is steady, looking at him in the way she’s always done. Open and kind, accepting... accepting even of _this_. The guilt that strikes him for being so readable makes him falter. His eyes tear away from her, opting to dart to the floor, the desk, the edge of her shoe. His voice grasps for something.

“I’m sorry—”

“I have too.” She’s tearing up as she says it and Lance is already moving forward, reaching out to cradle her face, to wipe at her tears with his thumbs. He pulls her in for an embrace and she doesn’t fight it, letting him wrap around her. She stares out behind him, her chin pressed against his shoulder in an uncomfortable manner.

The way she’s stilled in his hold makes him speak, even as all the words he’s rehearsed and strung together have fallen out of order. He reaches and pulls something out from the back of his throat.

“It’s just—”

“I love you still.” That makes Lance tighten his hold on her, as if to return the declaration as quickly as she stated it. The certainty in her voice betrayed the way her tears dampened his shirt, making Lance ache as he immediately understood.

The way her feelings were coming to lay out before the two of them was something akin to his own lonesome deliberation in the past few months. To think that she, too, had been stuck in the same headspace as him for, perhaps just as long, was startling. Remorse claws at his tongue but he doesn’t let it take a hold of his words.

“Yeah, I — I think we feel? The same way?” He states and asks all the same.

“Just not in the way we expected.” Allura finishes for him after a brief moment, the simple act of it all startling Lance into comfort for the way she just understood. When he doesn’t answer, she continues, “I think it started out that way –”

“Yes.”

“—but it’s different now.” He feels her nod against him and it wipes away a little at his worry. He had anticipated a lack of understanding as a worst-case scenario, and while every reaction she had given him so far was unexpected, the way Allura was trying so hard to piece it together with him wasn’t something he could have even hoped to ask for.

Her arms seem to have found a new resolve in her own hold on him, as she pulls them together against his shoulder blades. Lance finds himself getting wobbly under the addition of their embrace and lets his face drop to her shoulder, the soft of her hair against his forehead easing him into some relief. Even as Allura’s sniffling filled in the quiet of their confusion, he could feel her starting to relax as well.

Was this a break-up? The hurt he felt seemed to say just as much, but then, he felt just as assured. Maybe this hadn’t been what he wanted at first—no, not at all—but it was all he could ever ask of her from now on.

That fact hurt. It tugged at a part of himself he had grown apart from and it was an uncomfortable and familiar pain. _Did he have to change?_ The regret is just as sharp as it is sweet. No amount of brooding over this would change what he was already certain of — that staying the same would have hurt far more.

So, be that as it may, that he didn’t feel the need to ask for more between the two of them. What they already had was important, and they felt the same way about each other. As long as they felt the same, he tells himself.

“I’m sorry about the marks.” She says after a while. Lance huffs a laugh, the subject of her apology seeming so absurd to him. “Don’t be silly, I’ve always loved them.” He feels her turn her head towards him slightly. “Always will.”

“You mean _so_ much to me, Lance.” The words feel exactly the way they mean — truthful, weighted, and intimate with the presence of his name. Lance can’t muster his voice.

“I don’t think I’ll ever find the words to explain it but,” She pulls away from him, but only far enough for her to be able to cup his face with her hands. “I always hoped you’d just _know_ … that you’d know exactly how I feel about you whenever you see your face.”

His eyes close as he leans into her touch, his face feeling warm from the want to cry. He feels incredibly stupid, suddenly, when he recalls that she had given him the Altean marks during what she had thought would be the end of her life. When he opens them again, he finds a soft glow on Allura’s face, her expression helping him to register exactly what was happening.

The light coming from under his eyes is a surprise. It makes him feel embarrassed, but he finds its worth when he sees Allura’s cheeks fill, pushing up from her smile.

And it’s odd — how beautiful she can look when she’s torn. Her tear-struck cheeks opposing both the shine in her eyes and the upward curve of her lips. The reveal of the white of her teeth when she breaks out into a grin as she feels her own face heat up, along with the light emanating from her own marks is enough to make Lance forget the hurt they’re both feeling for a moment.

With her hands still on his face, he feels his cheeks press against her fingers and he realises he’s smiling wide now too. When he blinks down hard, he feels the small spill of tears. He hears her exhale his name and he already regrets crying even as her hands welcome it. He mutters an apology into her palm, wanting the tears to stop as fast as they started. He pulls her in to plant a kiss on her forehead, in attempt to make light of his weepy eyes.

“You’re family to me.” He tells her as he rests his cheek against her head. It makes Allura bury her face into his shoulder, and then his neck, and he realises she’s fighting more tears as she lets out a stuttered breath against his collarbone.

It tugs at his chest, how much that simple statement meant to her. She used to be one of the last Alteans, now she’s one of many once more — just as she should be. Had that not been the case, he’s always wanted her to know that she’d have the paladins. That she’d have him, her fellow blue paladin at her side. He’s always wanted to share his family with her, even thought that maybe they could have started one, but that thought has long since faded. Especially now, when faced with the reality that they could be just as loving towards each other just like this.

The mark she gave him—the mark they shared—meant more to him now, something he knew at one point couldn’t be possible. It was their own symbol for their kinship. Vulnerability apparent in the way they would hold each other, their trust echoing even in their frankest words, and fondness clear as day in the way they both make each other light up. All things intangible and so real to the both of them.

He could only hold her closer as she wept at the finality of the decision they were making. Ending this chapter of their relationship had been a long-time coming, he knew she had felt it too. He could only keep his head up to keep any more tears from coming down.

“S’not like we’re not gonna be friends anymore,” He offers weakly, trying to feign a brightness to his tone. “I know you’re like an alien empress now or whatever, but you’re still obligated as my friend to come visit my humble, earthling abode during Christmas.”

He’s stuttering but she’s starting to laugh so it doesn’t matter. “Like, yeah, I’m not your boyfriend anymore but let me bask in your presence, ‘kay, Allura?”

He pulls away from her to flash a grin and it brings her smile back. “Oh, my dearest,” She says, warm with affection. She wipes at her own tears, her fingers brushing past the glowing mark beneath her eyes.

“Lance, _of course_.”

The words, her breath, her voice, it wipes away at all the insecurity he’s built up over this. It makes him wonder how he could ever think that he could lose her, when she’s so certainly still his even like this. And it’s silly but it’s only just dawned on him that the decision they’ve finally made hasn’t been about parting at all. Rather, it’s been about staying at each other’s side, staying the same even as they keep changing, like a mark even the years can’t wipe away at.

**Author's Note:**

> if you couldn't already tell, the title comes from the song Wasteland Baby! by Hozier... i think it is a very important Allurance song. this is baby's first published fic so i'd really be happy to know what anyone thinks of this, just please be nice! thanks for reading


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